My darling new baby boy Caleb is perfect in every way. At night I stare at his sweet chubby face in my quiet moonlit room as he sleeps peacefully next to me. I cannot help but think that Caleb would not be a part of our family if Tony hadn't been sick. I'm not sure he would have been born if Tony was still here; it's a difficult thought for my mind to process but there is much gratitude within it, as I know without a doubt that God has a plan for my family. Seeing the empty space in our bed where Tony would sleep makes my heart drop every time. And then I turn to my left and see Caleb tucked safely in my arms and I feel so much hope-- hope for his future, hope for the future of all my kids, hope for the life ahead of me, and especially, hope for an eternity at Tony's side, this time with me tucked safely in his strong and gentle arms.
Ten years ago when Tony proposed to me, we watched our favorite animated movie together, "Beauty and the Beast." We both grew up watching this movie and Tony always would joke that I was his Belle and that he was the Beast (thankfully he only had a temper as a young child and is now very patient!). The music, the story line, and the magic in the movie had us coin it as "our movie" and upon hearing of the new live action release, we planned to see it together opening night. Well I didn't see it opening weekend (I had a baby instead!) but I did finally see it this past week. Feelings of excitement, nostalgia, and even dread clouded my mind so much that I almost didn't go. Tony was supposed to be there with me to see it and now he can't be. I went anyway knowing Tony wants me to enjoy and move forward with hope in life, so I did.
As most, I really enjoyed the movie... but I almost fell apart at the end. Even though I knew the Beast would die and then be transformed to his true self after his death, I died inside watching that moment. Belle has the lifeless Beast in her arms, clinging to him and expressing her love for him and it took every fiber of my being to not break down and sob. All I could think of was the night Tony died and I held him in my arms, begging in my heart for him not to be gone. It was too fresh for me, too soon, yet I needed to allow these deeply painful feelings to surface in a small way.
And then it came, and I knew it would come. The Beast regains new life and transforms into his true self, and then true joy can be felt between Belle and the Beast as they have broken the spell and overcome the evil within. What a beautiful and powerful story that I've known since a child. But there is an even better story that is true and is not a fairy tale.
One day, Tony will be whole again, transformed into a perfect state, free of his earthly pains and sorrows. He will become his best self that is only possible after learning true charity and he will overcome death. One day, Tony will be perfected and will stand with me. And the best part of all of this : We can all become transformed and live again.
Because Jesus Christ lives, we can practice charity in this life and improve ourselves. We can look to our Savior for any mistakes or sorrow we have and He will be at our aid. Because of Christ, we can overcome the bonds of death and live again, even live as eternal beings. He broke the chains of death so that we may do the same. Because of Jesus, we can live with our families and with Him and our Father in an eternal family. We can all have joy that is everlasting.
Because He lives, so will Tony. And so will I, and my children and my family and my friends. And so can you.
