Last Sunday, on the last day of winter, our family joyously welcomed Caleb Anthony to our family.
It has been a long winter, mostly because it was our first season to get through without Tony here. I anxiously looked forward to spring, for the dreary winter to be over, and for the beautiful new life that spring would bring us, our perfect baby boy.
What a healing balm Caleb has been to our souls already! I saw it in all my children's eyes when they held Caleb for the first time. I catch them snuggling with him and staring at his sweet face. When Caleb was born and they immediately placed him on me on his back, he stretched out his arms, turned his face toward me and stared deep into my eyes for several minutes. He knows he is here for me and all my babies. I told my older children that Caleb really is a gift from God. He knew Tony would be gone and that we needed Caleb to help us heal.
The sorrow of winter has begun to melt as spring sweeps in to refresh our hearts. The new life in Caleb reminds me really how much Heavenly Father loves us and wants us to return to Him. We are given winter to turn our hearts and minds toward Him and then have the sweet blessing of a beautiful spring, just as Tony's death has brought me closer to my Savior as I seek Him out and learn of Him to find peace and lasting joy. Winter will come again, but if we remember God and cling to Him, spring will melt our pains and sorrows away and beautiful peace will rest in our hearts. The pain of missing Tony isn't gone, yet it has been softened just a little for this moment in my life. Deep sorrow and heartache will continue to flood my heart and mind for moments in the future--- but through my experiences I've had I know the calming peace of Jesus Christ will rest upon me and ease the burden continually in the future as I need it.
As Caleb was born, an amazing medical staff circled around me in support with loving glances. My mom said it looked as if angels were gathered all around the room. I'm sure they were not the only ones in the room with us. I have been blessed with a constant flow of peace, and I know that everything will be alright. Heavenly Father loves us and will never abandon us. I know that Tony still loves me deeply and will in some way be a huge part in raising Caleb and all our children. Oh, how I wish Tony could be here and to see the sweet smile on his face as he held our newborns with such strong yet gently arms. I now imagine those same arms wrapped around me with that same smile as we start this new season. What a blessing it is to know I will see Tony again, thanks to our Savior and Redeemer!
